It has been just over six months since my daughter’s death. Next month is her birthday. I think about her everyday. I remember her telling me her biggest fear of dying was that she would be forgotten. I hope she knows that I think about her regularly. I have been in somewhat of a funk since her death. But each day I press forward. My job is one thing I look forward to.
I am so lucky to be able to do what I love. I get to fly a jet everyday I do to work. How cool is that? Most children dream of being a pilot as they grow up. I get to live that dream. Yes, there are difficult things in life that everyone faces. But I simply cannot let a tragic event pull me down. However, I have let my grief affect me in ways that hold me back. For example, I have a love of writing. But I have not been following through with that passion. I am writing this post as an effort to recover from this stall in life I am experiencing.
When flying an aircraft a pilot has various indications that a stall is about to occur. In some aircraft it may be a buffer that will occur before the airplane actually stalls. Other airplanes actually have a warning system that will alert pilots before a stall ensues. In a Cessna 172 there is a noise pilots will hear that sounds like a horn. Larger aircraft such as airliners have what is known as a “stick shaker.” The yoke will vibrate before a stall occurs to warn pilots that the airplane is close to stalling. If pilots do not respond to the warning of the stick shaker then the the yoke will push forward away from the pilots in an effort to lower the nose to automatically recover from the stall.
Even with the automation of the stick shaker and the stick pusher pilots still have to react to these warning indicators to fully recover from a stall. The airplane will not perform a full stall recovery on its own. People are much like aircraft. We all have built in warning systems that protect us from difficult things in life. With each person these biological warnings are different. But recovering from the “stalls” in life all require effort. No person can fully recover from a life stall without work.
There are many things that can cause life stalls. Some people suffer from depression. Some people have a tragic event that creates a life stall. Whatever the reason for the life stall each person affected must put an effort into the recovery from the life stall. And just like in an airplane we must put in the proper corrective actions to perform the recovery. In an airplane if the recovery is not performed properly the situation will worsen. A person caught up in a life stall must find ways to properly recover from the stall.
When flying an airplane pilots are trained how to recover from an aerodynamic stall. However, as humans we may not always know how to recover from a life stall. Most people have not received training or on how to recover from these stalls. There are various ways to recover from a life stall. Seeing a mental health professional could give someone the guidance needed to start the recovery process. I would call this the “stick pusher” that assist someone with starting the recovery. Some people may require medications to further push them through the stall. This could be seen as being similar to the stick pusher in an airliner. However, now that the shaker and the pusher have given us the assistance to recover from the life stall it is up to the us to react and complete the recovery.
As people we do not always have early warning signs that a life stall is about to occur. We may have a loved one pass away unexpectedly. There may be a down turn in the economy that causes a reduction in the labor forces. But no matter what the cause of the life stall we all must be aware that these times will come. No one is immune from life stalls. It is how we handle these difficult times that matter. We all must be prepared to recover.
Grieving is a natural part of recovering from a life stall. Everyone grieves in their own way. For some people the grief process is longer than others. Some people are more private with their grief and some people show their sadness publicly. No matter how a person works through grief we all must be willing to work through the life stalls. Life is not always easy. But on the other hand, life is not always difficult. Everyone will have highs and lows in life. That is simply the way things are. What matters is how we work through life stalls. Are you prepared for your next life stall?
Amy, my daughter, you are remembered!
Keep an eye on the sky!
The Prozac Pilot